Friday 04 May, 2012

Signs You Are Eating In A Hipster Hangout


dscf47301. The place is called a "Luncheonette" even though there is no egg salad on the menu, nor any counter seats (both should be required with that name, really).

2. The chalkboard menu has "add BACON to anything" and "ask about our VEGAN options" written within inches of each other." Head exploded yet?

3. The cash register is an iPad welded, for no particular reason, to a piece of reclaimed wood (ok, NOW your head has exploded. good thing most of the surfaces here are NSF stainless).

4. Same cash register guilts you into tipping 15% for bringing your overpriced sandwich six feet to your table.

5. The only beverages available are hipster sodas in retro glass bottles (sure, I enjoyed my small batch ginger ale, but these are far less enviro-friendly than a fountain, #justsayin)

6. Almost everything is 30% more expensive and 20% less interesting than it should be. (the bread choices were ciabatta or baguette–not to sound snotty, but is this 1995?–and I had to stop and think, which one of these breads is less likely to be screwed up)

7. Chairs are much less comfortable than they need to be (sure, free wifi, hang out as long as you want...or as long as you can feel your circulation).

8. Your lunch "date" is a hot vlogger ("The Man Manipulator") whose videos just got kicked off YouTube for being too racy (or too funny). Seriously.

9. "Art" consists of a fixed gear bike hanging from the ceiling, which I'm starting to think is some kind of cult thing (see my CAFE DE LECHE review, the two businesses, down the same block must be co-owned).

I'm not saying I didn't enjoy my veggie panini on ciabatta (thank God I made the right bread choice–Julia's baguette was a turtle shell), just that it wasn't significantly different from what I think I'd get at a nicer gourmet supermarket.

The cream of poblano soup du jour we both had was actually excellent and not at all overpriced: smoky, creamy and savory. Scarpetta'ed the bowl. Points for offering strawberry-infused table water, too.

I'm just saying, if you're going to call yourselves a Luncheonette, offer egg salad. And get some non-ironic chairs.

Schodorf's Lunchonette, York Ave., Highland Park

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