Could Jelly Beans Save Us?
Am I the only one who's noticed in recent months that Jelly Belly, the California gourmet candy company that President Reagan first launched to stardom, has been dabbling in the health food arena?
Crazy, right? How could jelly beans possibly be a health food? But here's the evidence: "Superfruit" Jelly Bellys, made with "real fruit," "naturally sweetened" and "high in antioxidant vitamin C." Turns out, according to Jelly Belly's site, the flavors included are Acai Berry, Barbados Cherry, Cranberry, Blueberry and Pomegranate! Note the single-flavor Pomegranate Jelly Bellys lower in the pic, too.
Now, I'm not saying that eating Pomegranate jelly beans every day for the rest of your life is going to keep you from getting cancer. I'm not even saying cranberry jelly beans are going to clear up your UTI. But what I am saying is they sure are a helluva lot more healthy than the goddam worthless "fruit snacks" all those companies are marketing to your kids.
On top of that, Jelly Belly has launched a whole new division called Sport Beans, seven different flavors in resealable packages, packed with vitamin C and B vitamins, and electrolytes. Sure is easier to pack along on a marathon than a bottle of Gatorade!
Sport Beans even has published research backing up the claim that their beans are better! (okay, it was one trial with 16 athletes, but still!)
Now, Jelly Belly fans shouldn't be worried that they're giving up their core mission to offer the widest array of jelly bean flavors anywhere. After all, the latest Harry Potter Bertie Bott's still offer Rotten Egg, Booger, Soap and Vomit flavors.
Just noticed they serve these cool "champagne bubbles" too
P.S. I'm not a doctor, consult your physician, and if you have diabetes, just flip me the bird and move on. Sorry.