Tuesday 06 May, 2014

87 Lists We Could Do Without


Because...shut up you Upworthy Slut.

1. The 22 Most Hipster Foods On The Planet

Because you're angry they didn't buy into your marshmallow peeps obsession

2. 7 Healthy Foods That Turned Out To Be Unhealthy

Really, all your lazy Googling butt could come up with was seven?

3. 20 Celebrities Who Have Aged Terribly

No they haven't, they've just aged, like normal people. You sub-tabloid lizards would realize that if you were in that category.

4. 10 Most Disappointing Destinations In The World

Sounds like a burned travel writer decided to get out some frustrations. Take a shower.

5. Best Jewish Delis Across The USA

Another crap list from USA Today, designed to take SEO away from better lists. This was put together after about a half hour of Googling, and it's wrong.

6. 20 Fun Facts About TheĀ  'Golden Girls'

You've really moved modern civilization forward with this one...

7. The 75 Albums Every Man Should Own

Starting with Springsteen? Not this man. Get knotted.

8. 10 Insane Food Trends Dominating Right Now

What is all this garbage? Movie theatre cake isn't dominating anything but the nearest bathroom stall.

9. 10 Things Not To Do In A Bar

Everything here is obvious to anyone except the kind of person who is so clueless they'd never click on a link like thisĀ  anyway. Don't wave money at a bartender? Got it.

10. 23 Most Disrespectful Things Ever

For when you absolutely, positively need just 5 more minutes of procrastination.

11-87. So I lied, there aren't 87 lists. Just 10. Because what's a listicle without at least 80% complete bullshit?